I started out with this post on facebook, but decided if I wanted to claim it as fully my own it needed to live somewhere other than the hub of social media that is facebook. So, here are my thoughts on the new Netflix series Thirteen Reasons Why.
For those of you who have watched Thirteen Reasons Why on Netflix and then claimed it glorified suicide I have a few questions. (And for those of you who haven't watched and plan to...don't read further I'm going to spoil below.)
1.) Did you read the book?
I did and for once I'm going to say they did the book justice. The series is as gut-wrenching as the book. Just like Clay needed breaks while listening to Hannah's words I had to take them when I read the book. Reading/listening to someone baring their soul and knowing there is nothing you can do to change the outcome is a terrifying experience. We want to be able to have an impact on the world around us.
2.) Where did it make it seem like suicide was the "right" or "glorified" answer?
I might have missed it, but while I sat on the couch with my husband and felt my heart break again through each interaction, that I knew was coming having read the book, I never once felt like they were saying it was the right choice. Over and over again they claim it was Hannah's choice and while you may not agree with the choice that she made you cannot take away the fact that it was her choice. (More on this later, because I know someone will latch onto my phrasing here and have a comment.) Suicide may not feel like a choice to person making it at the time, but it is choice. It might feel like the only choice at the time, but still a choice. The other side of this I have heard is that it supports the teen (I'm going to argue this would actually be all of us.) thought that "when I'm gone, they'll be sorry". Maybe I missed that in this story and it was really there, but I never heard that in this book. I could have missed it because I was wrapped up in my own feelings while reading.
3.) How did they all miss it?
That's the point of the book and the series at least in my opinion. We need to be talking about these sort of things. Yes, they're painful. Yes, they're terrifying. Yes, we sweep it under the rug.
I've read comments all over the place that the only warning sign Hannah gave anyone was the she cut her hair, or some other nonsense like that. We all throw out warning signs that things are off all the time. They're not all blinking neon signs. We need to be paying better attention to each other. Especially as teenagers. We can all be mean and hateful and just plan bad to each other. This book/series is about bringing that to light and making us notice the small things so we're not just waiting for the blaring signs of depression. I thought the point was more that it wasn't just one big thing that pushed her to suicide it was the building up of all the small things that we deal with throughout life. She put out small signs and asked for help throughout the book in small ways. However, until she was basically too far into the decision to have her mind changed she didn't make obvious steps.
Other points I have heard online include: Should I watch this with my suicidal teen? But this would never happen to my kid? Certainly the bullying isn't that bad? That doesn't really happen in high school? And on and on and on... These things happen in high schools. Kids are bullied, other kids turn a blind eye to it, kids brush it off as "nothing" and kids feel entitled. All of those things happen. However, I will point out the statement from Skye about how you deal with the pain mattering. I don't condone the choices she was making to deal with her pain or that cutting is the right choice either, but the point is that we all have choices in life. We all make choices that affect us and whether we realize it or not the people around us.
For those of your wondering if this would help the teen who you think is suicidal, my first answer is I don't really know, but the final answer would be that I think it would be better for you to let them know you're there for them, keep trying, fight through the walls they're putting up, be there. I know how raw this book/series left me and I don't think that is something you want when your already in that state of mind. If it's something they bring to you read/watch it.
If you've made it this far I'll leave you with these thoughts and you can take them or leave them. They're my opinions and we're all entitled to those. After reading/watching this is what I took away. Be kind. If we can do nothing else for each other we can choose to be kind. It may not always be easy but it is better for all of us in the end. That is how you can improve the world around you, but what if that isn't what you're experiencing? What if people aren't nice? Well that comes back to other statements that though I don't agree with how they came out in the book "you deal with it". If that means you cry, you write, you call a friend, you go for a run, whatever it means for you, you do that.
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