Showing newest posts with label Sporty McSport Sports. Show older posts
Showing newest posts with label Sporty McSport Sports. Show older posts

Views from a Stationary Bike

I’ve now been going to the gym for a little over two months and I have seen and learned some very amusing things in this time.  Believe me you learn to people watch like it’s a job when you need to spend 60 minutes on the elliptical or stationary bike.  You can just forget it if you think I’m going to spend an hour on the treadmill.  Anyway, here are my favorite things to observe while torturing myself for an hour…in no particular order.

20 something year old guy who works out in a baseball hat everyday and joined the “boot camp” class
There are so many things I want to say to you.  I’m going to start with the fact that working out in a baseball hat is pretty darn stupid, even more stupid is the fact that I am sure it was at least a $40 baseball hat, the brim is still stick straight and you wear it cocked to the side.  I’m sure in some arenas this makes you very cool.  However, for me it just makes you seem lamer and the fact that you flirt with every girl in the boot camp class and invite them to go wakeboarding with you is weird.  Beyond weird is the bit of upsetting information that you have a wife and she attends the same gym.  Rein in the hormones and stop dressing like a douche.  You’re not nearly as cool as you think.

60+ year old Madonna wanna-be
It was much easier to be amused by you until I found out that you’re really a nice little lady.  However, there are certain things I don’t need to see when you’re at the gym.  I don’t need to see your old lady boobs almost falling out of your shirt and I most definitely did not need to see the tattoos you have adorning them.  It’s like picturing my mom with boob tattoos and I feel that should be avoided.  You also gain amusement points because you sing to yourself well busting it out on the elliptical and that can make anyone’s day better, especially when it’s “Toxic” by Britney Spears.  I honestly think she might be the only artist you listen to while you workout.  How about adding a little Madonna to go along with your look?  Despite everything, you are the most amusing person at the gym because you just don’t care what people think while you’re there.  I know you must care what people think to a certain degree because you’re at the gym and weigh yourself everyday.  By the way if you gave that up you’d be much happier, the weighing yourself everyday thing not anything else.  My favorite part about you is the way you run on the treadmill.  The treadmill is almost my mortal enemy, but you embrace your time spent together to the extent that you run like Phoebe from Friends and that just can’t get any better.  In closing Madonna wanna-be the few things that I find strange you make up for them ten fold just with the Phoebe run, so keep it up.  It keeps me coming to the gym.

80 something guy duo that workout together all the time
At first I thought you were just nice little old men and then I realized your both pervs.  Thanks for noticing that I’ve lost weight, but if you could avoid staring at my ass I would appreciate it.

50 something man that pays to have a trainer, but continually tells him “No” 
Why do you pay someone to tell you how to get in shape if you’re never going to listen and continually tell him you can’t do it?  How do you ever expect to get “whipped into shape” if you keep skipping appointments and only doing half the work?  It’s not easy to lose weight or gain that male trapezoidal body shape.  You have to work for it and from what I have seen that’s not something you want to do.  If I have to hear you tell me how great your trainer is one more time I might hit you.  Not because he is a bad trainer, but because I don’t think you know anything about it. 

Creepy trainer guy
I’ve been coming to the gym for over two months and last week was the first time you have said anything to me that didn’t immediately make me want to recoil back into a safety shell.  I would appreciate if you didn’t leer at me while I workout and to be honest I don’t get that at all.  You can think whatever you want about a girl working out, but I promise there is nothing about me working out that should invite those sort of looks.  I’m drenched in sweat (some of it places I honestly never knew could sweat), my hair is sticking to my face and neck, I’m a fabulous shade of red that would likely match a tomato, and I honestly smell awful.  If any of that was close to a turn on I can help you find someone to talk to about it.

Newlywed Workout Couple 
At first I thought it was really cute that you worked out together.  It’s always nice to have a support system while doing something difficult.  Then I watched the two of you.  New husband, you’re not a trainer so stop telling her how to workout.  She needs a different workout than you.  You’re trying to gain muscle and she wants to lose weight.  You need to back her off the weights and move her into something cardio.  New wife, you’re husband is not the hottest man in the world and I wouldn’t put up with him yelling at me like that in front of people.  Also if you’re consuming only half of the calories you’re burning in a workout you would be dead.  Stop whining about gaining weight, its all muscle because you’re following your husband’s muscle building workout.  Come to the gym together, but workout separately. Oh yeah, and its certainly not okay to monopolize the ab machine for a half hour because you’re too busy chatting and watching each other to get your reps in.  Congratulations on getting each other to the gym, now spend some time apart while there and find a real fit for yourself.

Hardcore workout couple
You both creep me out a little, but mainly you, hardcore workout husband.  The way you talk to your wife annoys me and I wish one day she would just kick the shit out of you like I know she could.  Appreciate her beauty and stop pointing out all of her flaws.  Hardcore workout wife, I am amazed by all the weight lifting you do and how toned you are, but wish you had the confidence to go along with all that. 

Don’t worry I am sure there are people that find me to be the most amusing person at the gym and that doesn’t bother me at all.  I’m there to get in shape again and if it involves a little humor along the way that is great.  I’m only halfway to my weight goal so there could be much more amusement to come.  You’ll all have to wait and see!

Planes and Rootbeer

I took a small vacation from Sunday until Thursday and as some of you may have realized I hopped a plane to St. Louis. Why? Well, mainly because airfare was cheap and I've never seen the Arch. There you have it an entire vacation built on the premise that I wanted, neigh, needed to get out of Dodge. The time off was definitely enjoyed.

Planning on a boring flight from Columbus to Chicago (Where I would then be eternally saddened by the fact that I could not visit one of my favorite cities) we arrived at the airport and began the waiting process. However, this was not to be your normal flight. I take that back it was for approximately 9/10 of the passengers, but for me it was AWESOME, even though we had a delay leaving the ground because of an engine not coming online at first. You're wondering why this flight was awesome when I was stuck on the ground longer than anticipated and had to run to catch my connector flight, well, in short, SOCCER PLAYERS! Not just any soccer players, professional soccer players. That's right the Chicago Fire were on my flight! I spent the hour waiting for my plane being incredibly excited about the fact that the entire team (minus Brian McBride) were going to be on my flight. While in the waiting area one of the news anchors was of course discussing Swine Flu. The Chicago Fire coach and assistant coach, were seated beside me and the players were spread throughout the waiting area, they were discussing there next game against a team from Mexico. Some of the team members were joking about the "impending" Swine Flu outbreak. It could have gotten really funny, but only got to "They're ordering masks for all of us to wear on Wednesday" and the ass. coach told them to "keep it in line". Stupid coaches and their sensibility. I was also glad to find out that I'm not the only person to think that airplanes are always cold. I was reaching up to close all the vents in my row of seats, yes, I am that person and noticed the Chicago Fire player in front of me doing the exact same thing and commented. He talked to me a little while and then offered me his second blanket. I kindly declined and reveled in the fact that I was talking to a professional soccer player. :-)

When we landed I parted ways with the Chicago Fire and ran to catch my already boarding plane to Saint Louis, however, the run seems unnecessary looking back and knowing we then spent an hour on the runway waiting for lightning to stop. Finally arrived in STL a little late, but unscathed. While in STL we visited the zoo, the Science Center, the City Museum and the Arch. All in all it was a cool time and I even walked away with a new pair of running shoes and two amazing pairs of pants. Also, if you are ever in STL I highly recommend Fitz's. Microbrewed rootbeer and other carbonated beverages. I enjoyed them so much that I brought home a 4 pack of Diet Rootbeer and Cream Soda. Amazing! I even got to hear the background of Fitz's depsite the lack of a bottling tour duringo our visit. One of the Rangers at the Arch grew up in STL and enlightened me while I looked out at the city. Apparently they used to be a truly awful (health code wise) restaurant (Grade C) where the fly paper was more black than yellow and your frosty mug probably showed lip prints from its previous user. However, the place was still packed with people wanting their rootbeer. Now they have cleaned things up (Grade A) and are a top rated restaurant in the area. I've got to admit my Rootbeer float was definitely worth it. I even would have endured the black fly strips, but probably not the prior user lip prints. If you're in the area look it up!

To continue my brush with professional athletes that no one else knows. We saw the practice rink for the St Louis Blues while on a random mall visit. Yes, you read correctly, mall visit. There were only two players there practicing while we walked our 4miles of mall, but it was pretty cool to watch their stick work. I've never acquired the love of hockey, but I think with time it could blossom. The skills are just so gorgeous when present. I always manage to find beauty in well executed sports. Now, if only my running could reach anything close to that level.

My flight home was just as plagued as my other flights. We were delayed because of connectors flights and being the LAST flight back to Columbus, OH. So all in all good trip other than the flights, which were sadly my worst experience with Southwest. :-(

I never manage to truly vacation and leave all thoughts of work behind. I came home with new plans and ideas for one specific area of the museum. As soon as I get approval for ordering we're going to have some very cool new additions to the Science of Art area.

Crew News

Recently my mother and I attended really good soccer game. Now I know many MANY people dislike soccer. It is my belief that people dislike the sport because they don’t understand it. I played soccer from age 7 to 21, and miss it every day that I’m off the field. Sadly if I attempted to play soccer I would probably die at a maximum of 15 minutes into the game. This horrible lack of physical ability does not detract from my love of the sport.

I can enjoy watching little kids play (the bumble bee theory of soccer) or the professionals. I will be one of the first to admit to you that the MLS is not always the best soccer. I will also freely admit that the MLS world thought David Beckham would save the sport. Honestly, it was like they thought of him as the second coming of Christ. He was going to save the world of soccer and walk on water all at the same time. I say all these things knowing that someone is going to disagree with me and you are certainly welcome to, but it is still my opinion.

However, the game I attended this weekend was sold out because of one Mr. David Beckham and I do not care to recount the number of times I heard he was dreamy. Here is also where I admit I have a slight crush on Mr. Beckham myself, but not for the normal reason. Most people have a crush on him because he is a sports icon, wears designer clothes and is a quite nice physical specimen. While all of these things are true of him you have to look deeper to understand my crush. I don’t ever care to see him in anything other than shorts a jersey and cleats as longs as there is a soccer ball around. I could watch his footwork all day every day. His touches on the ball are gorgeous and his passing is amazing, when he is on, but like everyone else he is not enough to make a team. Another player on his team that is quite lovely to watch play the game is Landon Donovan. Again near magical foot work, but none of this mattered to the majority of the spectators at Crew Stadium this past weekend. I venture to guess that the majority of them were there to look at David Beckham.

The game was fabulous despite the fact that I had to endure none stop chatter of “Is he too old for me?” “Wouldn’t we be cute together?” and “Did you see him!?!”. The Galaxy moved the ball and put passes together better than the Crew in my opinion, but the Crew came away with the win. They scored an amazing goal in the first half and held on for the win. It was great to see the soccer again!

Anyone know where I could be playing?


**Oddly enough it took two pages worth of pictures to find one of David Beckham actually playing soccer. You may judge for yourselves what that means.**