Lessons from My Dad

I learned quite a few things from my dad in the 28 years that I spent with him and since his passing I have even learned a few more.  Now, to be entirely honest I probably would have learned all the lessons while he was alive if I had just listened a little more closely because it's not like he's been talking to me from beyond the grave.  I still talk to him, but he's not exactly answering anymore. 

 

Lesson 1:  If something makes you happy.  Do it.  

When I pulled this picture out to show my mom and add to the video for his funeral she laughed and said "You'd think he would have stopped doing that after the first time you threw up on him, but he just loved to see laugh."  At the time I just thought that was cute and cried a little.  Now every time I see it not only am I reminded of the man that loved me enough to do something repeatedly to make me laugh even if I got sick on him, but I'm reminded that being happy is important too.  Making me laugh made him happy and the consequences didn't matter.  I carry this pictures with me all the time as a reminder that doing what makes you happy matters.

 

Lesson 2:  Sometimes you have to sleep on it.

Other people may have thought that my dad just wanted to give them a hard time, or didn't want to agree with them, but really he just wanted all the facts.  If you could give him all the facts and tell him the truth he'd help to support your ideas or plans.  Now, don't think this means he always agreed and he always supported.  He had an opinion and he shared it when he felt necessary.  However, he also taught me that sometimes the best thing you could do was shut your mouth and sleep on it.  It might look the same in the morning or it might look better, either way you got some sleep and were better equipped to handle what was coming your way.

 

Lesson 3:  Family matters. 

I remember many times hearing, "Family is blood and you love them no matter what.  You may not always like them, you may completely agree with their actions or thoughts, but you love them because they are family."  My dad would forgive most anything and loved through everything.  Never did he tell me "Family is always happy, family always agrees or families never fight.".  I think his lesson was far better.  No matter what you LOVE your family.  They may not be perfect, but neither are you.  You're all going to struggle and what matters in the end is the love and support your family can provide.  Another important lesson my dad taught me on family involved my next lesson as well.  When I joined FVFD he said "Always remember that your family matters.  Value you them as much as you value other commitments and be sure they know they are valued.  Remember what is important, Rori.".  Again, I didn't get this lesson at the time, but now I hear it in my head all the time.  Thanks Daddy!

 

Lesson 4:  Not all Family shares a bloodline. 

You don't devote 44 years of your life to something and not consider it a brotherhood.  In the same line you can't have your diaper changed on a fire truck bumper and not gain some extra fathers.  Now, if you're not in the Fire Service or a similar field this probably sounds strange to you, but when you run into burning buildings, work codes and even raise funds to support your organization together you create a special bond.  You hear the "brothers and sisters" talk often, but I'm here to tell you on August 15, 2011 I saw a much bigger family aching that just my own.  Departments throughout Muskingum, Coshocton and Licking County came together to honor my father's memory.  I saw tears on faces, and heard cracks in voices and was embraced by more love than you can imagine.  A firefighter's family is NEVER small and I thank my father for teaching me that lesson when I was very young.  Even though when I told him I wanted to apply his advice was. "Don't" he supported me through it all and I know it made him proud.  I'm proud to say I'm a third generation firefighter and love my Fire Department Family.

 

Lesson 5:  You may only hold someone in your hands for a short time, but they can live forever in your heart. 

This one was a hard one to learn.  I knew he would have held me forever if it were possible, but I also knew when it was time to tell him it was okay to let go.  I still sort of hate this one, but I'm glad I have all the wonderful memories to carry with me.

 

Lesson 6:  Create the community you want. 

If you want to see something change where you live or in the school your child attends, step up and change it.  It will take time, work, effort and maybe even a few steps backwards.  This is one of the hardest lessons to follow through with because it's difficult.  You might even be working alone.  If he wanted something to change he'd work on it himself.  I think the proof of that fact is all the people that talk about the things he did in his hometown.  Frazeysburg mattered to him and he worked to make it better.  I'm definitely not as good at this one, but I apply it to all the classes I teach and all the students I get to work with during tours and other outings.  I cannot change the community as a whole, but I can have an impact on one child at a time.

 

Lesson 7:  Laughter and smiles are key to life. 

My dad's smile.  You can see it in any picture, if you knew him you can probably picture it in your mind without any problem.  He may not have always been happy, but he greeted the day with a smile and laughter.  He was quick with a smile, quick with a joke and quick with a laugh.  On my toughest days I remember his smiling face and sparkling eyes and remind myself that it's better to face the day with a smile than a frown.

 

Lesson 8:  It's entirely okay to cry. 

When my parents dropped me off at college, 3 hours from home, which now seems like nothing, but on that day felt like FOREVER, his eyes were moist the entire time.  They helped me unload the car, carry everything to the third floor, setup my room and then at the end of the day I cried asked them not to leave and to help me take it ALL back down to the car.  My mom laughed hugged me and stayed strong for all of us and my dad sobbed right along with me.  He held me while I cried and cried too.  Most people would say that made him weak, but the tears my father cried throughout his life were always warranted and he was never apologetic about letting them fall.  I don't think it's okay to cry to get what you want, but it is okay to cry when there is just nothing else you can do, when the emotions can't be held in or when you're just too happy.  I'm thankful to have been taught that crying isn't a bad thing, but that it does need to be warranted. 

 

Lesson 9:  Small rebellions...

Sometimes you just can't make the changes you feel necessary and in those times it's all about small rebellions.  These small rebellions might only ever be seen my you, but they make things better for you and that helps.  I remembered those words when we were planning everything at the funeral home in August.  There are ways you're expected to dress and act when this sort of planning is being done, but I didn't want it all the overwhelm me and take away from the good memories I had.  At that point I remembered small rebellions.  Now no one would ever have known, but my small rebellion was to wear cartoon socks.  Nothing huge, it impacted no one else, but every time mom and I got close to the edge I could wiggle my toes even inside my shoes and we'd both get a little smile.  Small rebellions don't hurt anyone else.  They just make life a little easier for you.

 

Lesson 10:  There is ALWAYS someone that loves you.

This one is the MOST important.  There is always someone that loves you.  Now, likely your list is longer than one, but it doesn't always feel that way and this lesson is more of a reminder than anything else.  He found mom, I found Eric and that is good news.  Eric is not the only person that loves me and we're not always perfect, but there is always someone that loves me and for the rest of this life Eric will be one of those people I can count.  Mom will always love dad and that makes me love her even more.  She can still count him as someone that loves her, but since he's not here to show her anymore it's my job to be the person to remind her that there is always someone.

Thanks for all the lessons Dad!