Revival of the opinion - Thirteen Reasons Why on Netflix

I started out with this post on facebook, but decided if I wanted to claim it as fully my own it needed to live somewhere other than the hub of social media that is facebook. So, here are my thoughts on the new Netflix series Thirteen Reasons Why.

For those of you who have watched Thirteen Reasons Why on Netflix and then claimed it glorified suicide I have a few questions. (And for those of you who haven't watched and plan to...don't read further I'm going to spoil below.)

1.) Did you read the book?

I did and for once I'm going to say they did the book justice. The series is as gut-wrenching as the book. Just like Clay needed breaks while listening to Hannah's words I had to take them when I read the book. Reading/listening to someone baring their soul and knowing there is nothing you can do to change the outcome is a terrifying experience. We want to be able to have an impact on the world around us.

2.) Where did it make it seem like suicide was the "right" or "glorified" answer?

I might have missed it, but while I sat on the couch with my husband and felt my heart break again through each interaction, that I knew was coming having read the book, I never once felt like they were saying it was the right choice. Over and over again they claim it was Hannah's choice and while you may not agree with the choice that she made you cannot take away the fact that it was her choice. (More on this later, because I know someone will latch onto my phrasing here and have a comment.) Suicide may not feel like a choice to person making it at the time, but it is choice. It might feel like the only choice at the time, but still a choice. The other side of this I have heard is that it supports the teen (I'm going to argue this would actually be all of us.) thought that "when I'm gone, they'll be sorry". Maybe I missed that in this story and it was really there, but I never heard that in this book. I could have missed it because I was wrapped up in my own feelings while reading.

3.) How did they all miss it?

That's the point of the book and the series at least in my opinion. We need to be talking about these sort of things. Yes, they're painful. Yes, they're terrifying. Yes, we sweep it under the rug.

I've read comments all over the place that the only warning sign Hannah gave anyone was the she cut her hair, or some other nonsense like that. We all throw out warning signs that things are off all the time. They're not all blinking neon signs. We need to be paying better attention to each other. Especially as teenagers. We can all be mean and hateful and just plan bad to each other. This book/series is about bringing that to light and making us notice the small things so we're not just waiting for the blaring signs of depression. I thought the point was more that it wasn't just one big thing that pushed her to suicide it was the building up of all the small things that we deal with throughout life. She put out small signs and asked for help throughout the book in small ways. However, until she was basically too far into the decision to have her mind changed she didn't make obvious steps.

Other points I have heard online include: Should I watch this with my suicidal teen? But this would never happen to my kid? Certainly the bullying isn't that bad? That doesn't really happen in high school? And on and on and on... These things happen in high schools. Kids are bullied, other kids turn a blind eye to it, kids brush it off as "nothing" and kids feel entitled. All of those things happen. However, I will point out the statement from Skye about how you deal with the pain mattering. I don't condone the choices she was making to deal with her pain or that cutting is the right choice either, but the point is that we all have choices in life. We all make choices that affect us and whether we realize it or not the people around us.

For those of your wondering if this would help the teen who you think is suicidal, my first answer is I don't really know, but the final answer would be that I think it would be better for you to let them know you're there for them, keep trying, fight through the walls they're putting up, be there. I know how raw this book/series left me and I don't think that is something you want when your already in that state of mind. If it's something they bring to you read/watch it.

If you've made it this far I'll leave you with these thoughts and you can take them or leave them. They're my opinions and we're all entitled to those. After reading/watching this is what I took away. Be kind. If we can do nothing else for each other we can choose to be kind. It may not always be easy but it is better for all of us in the end. That is how you can improve the world around you, but what if that isn't what you're experiencing? What if people aren't nice? Well that comes back to other statements that though I don't agree with how they came out in the book "you deal with it". If that means you cry, you write, you call a friend, you go for a run, whatever it means for you, you do that.

Spirit of the Season

Christmas has always been one of my favorite Holidays.  I love spending time with my family, I love watching the belief in Santa and I love family traditions. 

Last year I lost and skipped some because of my father's death and this year I am realizing that some of those will never come back.  He had a joy for the Holidays that just made you smile.  Because of that, I'm going to try and focus on the good and forget the bad. 

As a reminder I'm going to share a list of my Holiday Favorites.  I'd love to hear yours too.

Holiday Tradition Countdown
10. Watching kids open gifts and play with family.
9. Christmas morning family breakfast.
8. Presents for my puppies.
7. Christmas Family Pictures

6. Christmas Decorations

5. Pictures with Santa.

4. Family Dinners.
3. "A Christmas Story" Marathon (Dad, hated this one!)
2. Making an ornament for Eric and
1. New pajamas on Christmas Eve!

And now, two pictures that always bring a smile to my face and they feature two of my FAVORITE Santas....

Special Thanks Daddy and
Uncle Jeff for sharing your Holiday Cheer!




Happy Holidays One and All!

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Lessons from My Dad

I learned quite a few things from my dad in the 28 years that I spent with him and since his passing I have even learned a few more.  Now, to be entirely honest I probably would have learned all the lessons while he was alive if I had just listened a little more closely because it's not like he's been talking to me from beyond the grave.  I still talk to him, but he's not exactly answering anymore. 

 

Lesson 1:  If something makes you happy.  Do it.  

When I pulled this picture out to show my mom and add to the video for his funeral she laughed and said "You'd think he would have stopped doing that after the first time you threw up on him, but he just loved to see laugh."  At the time I just thought that was cute and cried a little.  Now every time I see it not only am I reminded of the man that loved me enough to do something repeatedly to make me laugh even if I got sick on him, but I'm reminded that being happy is important too.  Making me laugh made him happy and the consequences didn't matter.  I carry this pictures with me all the time as a reminder that doing what makes you happy matters.

 

Lesson 2:  Sometimes you have to sleep on it.

Other people may have thought that my dad just wanted to give them a hard time, or didn't want to agree with them, but really he just wanted all the facts.  If you could give him all the facts and tell him the truth he'd help to support your ideas or plans.  Now, don't think this means he always agreed and he always supported.  He had an opinion and he shared it when he felt necessary.  However, he also taught me that sometimes the best thing you could do was shut your mouth and sleep on it.  It might look the same in the morning or it might look better, either way you got some sleep and were better equipped to handle what was coming your way.

 

Lesson 3:  Family matters. 

I remember many times hearing, "Family is blood and you love them no matter what.  You may not always like them, you may completely agree with their actions or thoughts, but you love them because they are family."  My dad would forgive most anything and loved through everything.  Never did he tell me "Family is always happy, family always agrees or families never fight.".  I think his lesson was far better.  No matter what you LOVE your family.  They may not be perfect, but neither are you.  You're all going to struggle and what matters in the end is the love and support your family can provide.  Another important lesson my dad taught me on family involved my next lesson as well.  When I joined FVFD he said "Always remember that your family matters.  Value you them as much as you value other commitments and be sure they know they are valued.  Remember what is important, Rori.".  Again, I didn't get this lesson at the time, but now I hear it in my head all the time.  Thanks Daddy!

 

Lesson 4:  Not all Family shares a bloodline. 

You don't devote 44 years of your life to something and not consider it a brotherhood.  In the same line you can't have your diaper changed on a fire truck bumper and not gain some extra fathers.  Now, if you're not in the Fire Service or a similar field this probably sounds strange to you, but when you run into burning buildings, work codes and even raise funds to support your organization together you create a special bond.  You hear the "brothers and sisters" talk often, but I'm here to tell you on August 15, 2011 I saw a much bigger family aching that just my own.  Departments throughout Muskingum, Coshocton and Licking County came together to honor my father's memory.  I saw tears on faces, and heard cracks in voices and was embraced by more love than you can imagine.  A firefighter's family is NEVER small and I thank my father for teaching me that lesson when I was very young.  Even though when I told him I wanted to apply his advice was. "Don't" he supported me through it all and I know it made him proud.  I'm proud to say I'm a third generation firefighter and love my Fire Department Family.

 

Lesson 5:  You may only hold someone in your hands for a short time, but they can live forever in your heart. 

This one was a hard one to learn.  I knew he would have held me forever if it were possible, but I also knew when it was time to tell him it was okay to let go.  I still sort of hate this one, but I'm glad I have all the wonderful memories to carry with me.

 

Lesson 6:  Create the community you want. 

If you want to see something change where you live or in the school your child attends, step up and change it.  It will take time, work, effort and maybe even a few steps backwards.  This is one of the hardest lessons to follow through with because it's difficult.  You might even be working alone.  If he wanted something to change he'd work on it himself.  I think the proof of that fact is all the people that talk about the things he did in his hometown.  Frazeysburg mattered to him and he worked to make it better.  I'm definitely not as good at this one, but I apply it to all the classes I teach and all the students I get to work with during tours and other outings.  I cannot change the community as a whole, but I can have an impact on one child at a time.

 

Lesson 7:  Laughter and smiles are key to life. 

My dad's smile.  You can see it in any picture, if you knew him you can probably picture it in your mind without any problem.  He may not have always been happy, but he greeted the day with a smile and laughter.  He was quick with a smile, quick with a joke and quick with a laugh.  On my toughest days I remember his smiling face and sparkling eyes and remind myself that it's better to face the day with a smile than a frown.

 

Lesson 8:  It's entirely okay to cry. 

When my parents dropped me off at college, 3 hours from home, which now seems like nothing, but on that day felt like FOREVER, his eyes were moist the entire time.  They helped me unload the car, carry everything to the third floor, setup my room and then at the end of the day I cried asked them not to leave and to help me take it ALL back down to the car.  My mom laughed hugged me and stayed strong for all of us and my dad sobbed right along with me.  He held me while I cried and cried too.  Most people would say that made him weak, but the tears my father cried throughout his life were always warranted and he was never apologetic about letting them fall.  I don't think it's okay to cry to get what you want, but it is okay to cry when there is just nothing else you can do, when the emotions can't be held in or when you're just too happy.  I'm thankful to have been taught that crying isn't a bad thing, but that it does need to be warranted. 

 

Lesson 9:  Small rebellions...

Sometimes you just can't make the changes you feel necessary and in those times it's all about small rebellions.  These small rebellions might only ever be seen my you, but they make things better for you and that helps.  I remembered those words when we were planning everything at the funeral home in August.  There are ways you're expected to dress and act when this sort of planning is being done, but I didn't want it all the overwhelm me and take away from the good memories I had.  At that point I remembered small rebellions.  Now no one would ever have known, but my small rebellion was to wear cartoon socks.  Nothing huge, it impacted no one else, but every time mom and I got close to the edge I could wiggle my toes even inside my shoes and we'd both get a little smile.  Small rebellions don't hurt anyone else.  They just make life a little easier for you.

 

Lesson 10:  There is ALWAYS someone that loves you.

This one is the MOST important.  There is always someone that loves you.  Now, likely your list is longer than one, but it doesn't always feel that way and this lesson is more of a reminder than anything else.  He found mom, I found Eric and that is good news.  Eric is not the only person that loves me and we're not always perfect, but there is always someone that loves me and for the rest of this life Eric will be one of those people I can count.  Mom will always love dad and that makes me love her even more.  She can still count him as someone that loves her, but since he's not here to show her anymore it's my job to be the person to remind her that there is always someone.

Thanks for all the lessons Dad!

 

 

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It's not often you meet an idol

Me and "The Mouse"

Class of 2023

Class of 2023!?!  Are you serious?  I spent today playing with the incoming class of 2023, or for those of you not spending every minute with children, the incoming class of kindergartners.  It was a wonderful experience despite the fact that I performed poorly in my morning 5K because of worrying about work in the afternoon.  Our volunteers did an amazing job interacting with the 200+ guests and making the new students feel very special.  It was a day all about their big day and making the best of this upcoming experience.

I got to read them a book and perform two science shows and it's all worth it when you get comments like, "you're that funny lady that made the girl fly...you know she wasn't really flying right, you were just carrying her" or "that book made me feel better about kindergarten. I'm not nearly as scared now."  You never know the things that are going to shape someone's life in the future.

We had great support from the local school districts, police department, fire department and other community organizations.  I love when events come together and have a great impact on our guests and I get to have fun doing things that I love like playing with kids and reading to them.  What more could I ask?